Radio.SETI.org

Since June, I've been taking a nice break from reality. I stopped keeping up with my blog and myspace and have been playing a lot of games. Old ones mostly, because a I'm super broke and can barely afford to keep my car running. But that's not really important to this post. I'll be back next year and will resume my normal online behavior. Until then, check out the emo posts in the archive.

Your Finger is Turning Purple

I was bitten by a ball python today. They're normally friendly snakes and we handle them all the time without hassle. He had just eaten and I had just washed my hands really well so I really don't know why he did it. I stuck my hand in his feeding container to put him back in his normal cage, and he just latched on to my middle finger.

Most pythons are constrictors, so their bite isn't terribly painful, but they have very strong muscles in their bodies to suffocate their prey. I asked Mary what to do and she asked the vet. They told us to put something in his mouth and pry his jaws off my finger, but we couldn't get it to work, so I ended up walking to them, half way across the store, with this snake attached to my finger. The vet had no trouble removing it and I went to lunch.

When I came back from lunch, I wasted 40 minutes on the phone filing an incident report. The bitchy nurse I ended up talking to asked me when my last tetanus booster shot was. I told her it was when I was a child, to which she replied "Was it in the last five years," to which I replied "No, it was when I was a child." Eventually, she demanded I go to Mt. Clemens General ER for the shot. Not only did I was all that time, but they made me leave an hour and a half early for a very minor wound. I still feel bad for not finishing all my work before I left.

The hospital was easy enough to find, and the nurse I spoke with had already sent the paperwork over so everyone was waiting for me. Everyone was really interested in my story and I guess they don't see too many snake bites down that way. I only had to wait a few minutes before the doctor came in with the booster. The shot itself felt roughly the same as the bite, but I didn't react so well to it. I was fine until the lady left the room. Then my arm started hurting really bad, I became nauseous, and passed out. I was awake again when she came back and they let me go right away.

That is my story of the day. Not as fun as going to dinner and the zoo, but much more dramatic.

My Long Weekend

Now that we have our usual number of managers and employes at work, they're cutting my hours, which I half way expected, but I'm not going to be able to spend much money anymore. No more late night deserts and excessive dinners. That's okay because I've been taking in too many calories recently anyway.

I'm also realy wanting to start modding computer cases and selling them online. There's probably not an extreme market for it right now, so I might take a hit on it at first, but I think it could eventually be profitable. That would be really cool because that's one of the things I'm really interested in.

I've also been writing again and might get back into filmmaking. Fun stuff. :)

I Think I'll Start Blogging Again

I just needed some time off from everything. Here's a list of things that have happened since I last posted:

Switched to Google Chrome, good browser.

Paid off my Meijer Card, but still have 2 more cards.

Spammed YouTube on Twitter, with no results.

Went to the Detroit Zoo, wasn't impressed.

Searched for a shotgun mic and wide angle lens, i'm broke.

Made good food, ate most of it.

Started watching Film Riot, good show.

Made a budget, no intention of sticking to it.

That's about it.

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being there for me these past ten years since I became depressed. And the two years out of that I was suicidal. And the three years I smoked pot three times a week so I wouldn't have to deal with my life. Thanks for caring more about my feelings than what your family thinks about you. Thanks for always blaming my problems on other people so you can blame yours on me. I appreciate it greatly. I know I haven't done the same for you, all those times you blow up and break down for trivial reasons. I guess I didn't learn enough from your example.

I'm sorry your first husband left you. That one was clearly my fault. I'm sorry Dave Soboleski says mean things to you, again totally my fault. I wish your parents weren't such dicks to you when you were growing up. A bit out of my way, but I should have done something to fix that. I'm just negligent. Sorry you feel inadequate compared to your siblings. Obviously, if I was better than any of my thieving, alcoholic, drug dealing, trailer trash cousins things would be much better for you. I'm also truly sorry I didn't die as an infant. We would have both been better off that way.

You're right. I chose to move back in here. Despite all the credit card debt I amassed trying to get away from you, I could have moved into any one of the apartments in the Chesterfield area. They're just so cheap out there these days. I really don't do anything around here. With the private lawn service and fleet of electricians around here to fix all the problems in the house, I don't have to do anything but sit on my ass and watch television and spread rumors on the phone. I don't even go to work anymore, which is obviously why I don't buy the things we desperately need like a shed or grill.

It really sucks that my relatives hang out with other people who are my age because that means they talk about me behind my back all day. That's a given. What else would they be talking about? No one should know anything about me because it's all so horrible. Everything I've ever done it just atrocious.

/sarcasm

The only reason I don't say any of this to your face is because when I hurt people I feel remorse. Given your behavior, I obviously don't get that from you. If you had helped me one fucking time in my life things could be so much better. Instead, you focus on avoiding your problems and making me feel guilty for every little thing anyone has ever done to you. I want to thank you for that. It's thanks to you that I can deflect everyone Else's hatred and negative comments without flinching. And that will probably be the only thing I thank you for.

So I'll go on keeping my feelings to myself even though you would never extend the courtesy to me. I'll let you call me lazy and worthless even though that's clearly a description of you. I won't burst your little distorted reality bubble. All I ask is that you don't drag Jason and me into it. Also, if you would stop starting fights at midnight, that would be great.

Sincerely,

Your lazy, stupid,

ignorant, good for

nothing, gay, loser

of a son, Rich

FML

I haven't really felt like blogging in a long time, partly because I've been overall more depressed than normal and partly because the times I'm not depressed I'm usually doing work of some kind. Just today I cut down the steel pegs sticking up from the patio, fixed the workbench that's out there, mowed the lawn, and burned a bunch of the wood lying around from when the garage was torn down.

Jason and my four year anniversary was on the fifth. I bought him some coffee and he bought me some chocolate covered coffee beans and a mug. I guess we both like coffee that much. We then spent the day in Midland, which was really nice. We hit up the mall and had a nice dinner at a place called Shirlene's. It was a great day and I'm really glad I have Jason to share my life with.

I'm not so glad about sharing my life with my mom. She keeps trying to convince me that I'm not gay and asking intrusive questions. That would be fine if we had any common ground or if I knew how to talk to her, but I don't. I just kind of ignore it, but I can only do that for so long. When she asks me about my relationship with Jason or if I've ever had sex with a guy I have to lie because she would just yell at me anyway. I feel guilty for lying, but I feel depressed that I'm in a position where I have to lie in the first place. I don't know what to do.

My mom also spends all my money. This month, I was going to use my spare money to pay off my Meijer card, so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Then my mom bitched at me until I bought her a wheelbarrow so she could clean up the back yard. When I finally bought it this morning, she didn't even use the damn thing and sat around talking on the phone all day. She also insisted that we need a new hose and sprayer, so I ended up getting that too. I don't even want to know what I'm going to end up paying for next week.

Having said that, I've been making more financially sound decisions that I have in the past few months. I paid $50 on all three of my credit cards and haven't made any new purchases. I also only ate out twice this month (to my recollection). I refrained from using my free money to buy a TV I need to play many of my games (although Jason bought a completely superfluous one). There is a list of things I want and need on the side of my monitor and I've stuck to just the things I need.

It does annoy me that whenever I want or need something, be it a television or a computer, someone goes out and buys a new one. For once I would like to be able to support myself and just get the things I need. I can go without a TV or a MacBook, but I really need a pair of work shoes but I can't get them because I'm buying everything for everyone else. It also annoys me that everyone gets to go to school but me. Some of them go just to say they did, and some of them refuse to go, despite getting a full ride. I don't understand why my friends can get financial aid from the government, but I can't even though my parents and I pull in a combined $20,000 a year. WTF?

Another reason I haven't blogged in a while and the main reason I think I don't write is that no matter how much effort I put into something I never get anything back. No matter how hard I work at PetSmart, they don't care. All I want is someone to tell me I did a good job, but all I get is a free pop. No matter how hard I work at a blog or myspace design, someone else has a better one. No matter how hard I try to pay off my debt, something comes up and I get deeper. No matter how much effort I put into something I write, I'm never satisfied with it.

I've been in an all around bad mood recently, but I'm going to try really hard to get back out of it. Thanks for your time.

Easter '09

I'm not blogging on holidays anymore. It's not fair to everyone who enjoys them. If you want to know how I'm feeling, just look back to a previous holiday. Like Christmas 2006. I will continue bitching on Twitter and Myspace, though. Sorry about that.

Hooray for Monday

I've been working a lot of hours since I last blogged. We've got ridiculous new policies at work, and some of them are really starting to be cumbersome. I've also been doing a lot for other people, especially on my days off, which has really been wearing me down. By the time I do everything for everyone else and relax a little, I don't have time to do any of the things I need to do, like start writing for Script Frenzy.

I replaced all the light bulbs in our house with CFLs. That cost a lot with them being $3.50 a bulb, needing to buy 2 toggle switches (to replace dimmers), and a faceplate, but it was something I just wanted to do. I also had to buy a hooded litter box for my cat, food and bedding for my rats, and a waste rake for my mom's dog, who shits all over our driveway. That was realy annoying, considering I've been paying $400 a month on my credit cards since I moved back in, but am still less than $100 from my limit. Gotta love living with cheap motherfuckers.

I really want to pay off my balance before I go back to school this year. I've already applied for financial aid, but I'm going to need to submit the correction form because my dad apparently didn't do his taxes yet this year. If they don't give me anything again his year, I'm going to take out a loan at Chase. I heard they have low requirements, and I'm pretty sure I'll qualify on my own merits. I'm going to use a small portion of the money to buy a computer and put the rest of it in a student checking account at my bank, where I won't be tempted to spend any more of it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Nothing New

I really have nothing new to say. I feel like I did 2 years ago at this time: trapped in a place with people who I can't get close to. That's not a pleasant experience. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself now, but none of the people around me are (with the exception of a few close friends). My mom still makes mean spirited comments and I keep pretending everything is okay. The only difference is now I don't blog about it as much because it's not what people want to hear.

I'll blog again as soon as I think of something to say.

On Eating Healthy

Since I moved back into my mom's house I've been eating healthier. I stopped eating fast food and started buying more fruits, vegetables, and chicken. I stopped eating pizza rolls on my lunch break, in favor of fruit and yogurt. Ever since then I've felt like shit. I'm tired all the time and I keep getting sick. Who would have figured?

February

I've been working a lot of hours at work, so I really haven't had a whole lot of time to blog. I still wish I was getting about 10 more hours, just so I could finally pay off my bills, but I think 30 is good enough for now. I also think the new manager quit. I didn't like her, but I feel bad that she quit/got fired/whatever.

I'm getting behind in my reading. I still haven't finished The Tipping Point or The Ultimate Guide to Video Game Writing and Design, both of which I got last year. For my birthday Jason gave me The Black Hole war (quantum physics), and The Drunkard's Walk (mathematics). They're both really interesting books that I had considered purchasing, but never had the money. Then my parents gave me a gift certificate and membership card at Barnes and Noble, so I picked up four more books: The Zombie Survival Guide, Book of Lies, The Web Designer's Idea Book, and a nice coffee table book about graffiti. I think I'll be set on reading materials for a while.

I still haven't fixed the wipers in my car. I bought a wiper motor and thought it would be a pretty straightforward installation, but I was wrong. It looks like I'm going to have to remove the mounting bracket along with the motor (because it bolts in from the side that's inaccessible), but I'm not really sure how to do it. I've been trying to get it in to the local mechanic for two weeks, but he keeps telling me to come back the next day. That's kind of bullshit when I work every day and can't otherwise get there. I'm not paying another $80 for him to install it when he can't do it when I need it, so I ordered the repair manual for my car from the Port Huron library so I can do it myself.

I've been playing a lot of new games, namely Age of Empires 3. For the time being I'm stuck with PC games because I don't have a TV to use with my PS2 (which is on it's last legs anyway). The problem with playing a lot of PC games is that they take up a lot of hard drive space, and 70 gigs runs out pretty quickly, especially when I need to download a lot of other files and play multiple neighborhoods in The Sims. I'd really like to get a 500 gig IDE drive, which are pretty cheap, but I don't really have the money available.

There was a point (just after my tax return came in) that I did have the money and planned on buying the drive, but Fred and George were quickly outgrowing their cage, so I bought them a new one. It's 30" tall, has 3 platforms with ramps between them, a built in water bowl (so they don't spill it and don't have to drink from the bottle), and a hammock. I also picked up some new treats, but like the rest of their treats, they don't like them. They do like dog toys, though.

Home Again

Maybe if my mom didn't fuck me every chance she got I'd trust her enough to tell her I'm in a committed relationship with Jason. Maybe if she cared more about how I feel than what her family says behind MY back I'd respect her enough to be honest. But, no. It's the same old shit. I've moved back in yesterday and things are already back to the way they were before.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to look for a full time job so I can afford to rent some shitty apartment in a shady area somewhere. I'll be worn out, overworked, and miserable, but at least I won't have to deal with as many personal attacks all the time. Fucking wonderful.

Something in 2009

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

* I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

* What I create will be with you in mind.

* It'll be done sometime this year (2009)

* You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be something written, some physical thing made, could be anything at all, but I will make it myself. It's entirely my choice what it is. No quibbles, no refunds.

* I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch?

Oh, the catch is that you put this in your blog as well. If you don't.. You don't get anything.

Will Someone Please Fucking Shoot Me Already?

We have a new operations manager (second in command) at work. I don't think she likes me much. On Monday she announced that some of the oscar tanks were dirty, which apparently means 'clean them now.' I would have cleaned them if I wasn't already swamped doing stuff like, I don't know, my fucking job. It's bad enough that I was opening birds, with extra instructions because of mites, but I was also working with Anne who doesn't get her shit done on Mondays because she takes fucking forever filling out paperwork.

On Wednesday, she asked me if I was going to clean them before our DM came in. I told her it was the next thing on my list, which it was, after I finished what I was working on (again, my fucking job). It's exactly what I did when I finished opening that morning - spot clean the first 142 tanks. Apparently, she didn't believe me.

She didn't say anything to me, though. She told Jonathan something to the effect that I have an attitude problem. That really pisses me off because I've worked there for a year longer than she has, and she has the balls to come in and badmouth me. I work my ass off at this job fixing shit other people fuck up and doing everyone else's work so they can slack off. I work up to 12 hour shifts because everyone in my department calls in sick. I take on extra days whenever people need me to. I do work that's not even on the list because I know it won't get done otherwise. I don't need some new bitch to come in and tell me I'm not doing my mother fucking job.

I spent the last 3 days at my mom's house trying to build her shed. The one that I put on a credit card. The one that she's going to put her shit in so I can have a fucking place to sleep when I move back in. She promised she'd have it cleared out by the time I needed to move stuff, but I guess she still doesn't keep her promises. Sheds generally need to be built somewhere flat and level. Our shed is built on neither, and it's no longer square. That makes the holes in the roof panels not line up. Awesome, now I have to go back again this week to fix the fucker and try to finish it before I move out next week.

I also still haven't told her about Jason and me. I don't know how to bring it up, and she stopped asking. I feel really horrible about lying and don't want to fucking hide it all the time. I want to be able to put up the picture of us he gave me for out anniversary. I want to not have to minimize my email when someone walks in the room. I want to just be happy as myself, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to.

So I bought an 1998 Oldsmobile Delta 88. It's a nice roomy car, which I really like, but I've been having some problems with it.

First, the ABS is a little hyperactive. Every time I drive in the snow (every day since the day after I bought the car) the brakes make the most obnoxious clanking noise when I brake. Apparently, that's normal anti-lock brake behavior, to an extent. I don't have money to get them checked out, but I've been reading a lot on the Internet. It wasn't the noise that made me nervous, as much as the inability to stop. The solution: Pull the ABS fuse. Now I can control my speed in the snow without the brakes going retarded.

My wipers work on and off. Sometimes they seem to work fine unless it's snowing or raining. That's fine for really short trips, like home to work and back, but I'm about to move 18 miles from my job. That's not so fine. I replaced the fuse when I pulled the other one, and they seem to work again, but I'm not sure if it will last or not since it was an intermittent problem to begin with. The fuse I pulled didn't look blown, but it had some weird burn marks on it, which may be indicative of a much bigger problem.

The last thing is that my interior lights don't work. The door lights, the overheads, the gauge cluster back light, even the radio and gear selector/odometer light (when the headlights are on). I think the gauge cluster faintly glows, but it could just be my eyes. Either way it's kind of annoying. Also, I don't know how to fix that one.

It's also costing me more money than I really have, even though I got a pretty good deal and didn't have to pay sales tax (because the dealership was desperate to make a sale). My insurance only comes up to $147, which is a Hell of a lot less than I was expecting. Gas is another concern. Since it's such a big car, it doesn't really handle fuel very well, people also weren't really worried about fuel economy in the 90's either. I wonder how much it would cost to convert to biodesiel.

I decided I don't need to purchase a particularly nice car. I've been looking at an '04 Impala for about $6,500 in Port Huron. I really want it because it's reliable, powerful, comfortable, and comes with some nice features. It's all around a great car. But it's not the car I'm going to get.

A lot in Marine City has a '95 Cavalier for about $1600. It's not as powerful or comfortable, and it's got 170,000 miles. But at $160 a month I could have it paid off in a year and still afford my insurance and credit card payments. That's what I need right now, so that's what I'm leaning toward. That is, of course, if they give me financing with no money down.

2009

So, my resolutions are as follows:

To be more proactive to my happiness.
To eat less junk food.
To exercise more.

That's it. Happy New Years everyone.